You might be asking . . . how did I get to my homecoming? It was a lot of being quiet to achieve my knowing. You see all the answers are already within you. It just gets lost in all the noise. It was a lot of layered self-discovery work - facing my demons, subconscious work, soul searching, God, support from those close to me, and trusting that I was going to embody my calling. I had to unbecome and strip away the layers that no longer resonated, to find the real me. I had to shed identities, habits and societal expectations and pressures that were imposed on me. My aha moment was in those darkest hours when I sought guidance and support, hoping to fix myself and realizing I didn’t need fixing. I realized that I had been forcing my piece into a puzzle not meant for me. I was fulfilling a script that belonged to someone else’s. To some, it could be fulfilling your parents’ dream of what they could have been.

There is a moment in almost every person’s life when the true self begins to quiet. For some it’s adolescence, others, early adulthood under the weight of expectation and responsibility. But for some of us, and I am one of them, it happened much, much earlier. Before we had words for what was happening. Before were were old enough to understand it. Before we could do anything other than simply . . . adapt. My parents moved to the US when I was very young in order for my family to have better opportunities, though I am very thankful, it came at a great cost to my truth. It wasn’t until I was 8 that I finally got to meet them in person for the first time, well actually remembering them physically. I stayed with family who were not too pleased to have my sister and I there. We then moved in with my grandparents who became my parents. I loved them dearly. In those transitions, I learned to quiet myself in order to survive, in order to feel wanted, in order to not be abandoned. At an early age, I read the room. I learned what was wanted and I became that. I did what I was told. I caused no trouble. I made myself easy to keep. And that right there . . . is where the real conditioning began to accumulate, where I started to lose my Self. Thereafter, instead of choosing me, I chose comfort. I chose safety. I chose the path that made sense to everyone else. I embodied the good child script, where I must be good, agreeable, and low-maintenance to be loved, where questioning the life I was handed was selfish or ungrateful. I lived the caretake script: everyone else’s needs came first. My desires are secondary or even shameful. I am most lovable when I am useful. I took on the achiever script: my worth is in my output. There was also a tinge of the unworthiness script where whatever I did was never good enough. I was always trying to prove myself. And each time I did . . . each time I accepted an offer or said yes even though I knew it was not me . . . I told myself to go to the corner and stay quiet. Here’s the thing about your soul, it doesn’t care about comfort. My truth/soul would from time to time come out of its corner and whisper quiet reminders especially those times of accepting those job offers. But there comes a point and this is usually as you near mid-30’s onward, where your soul has had enough whispering and is now screaming for your attention. It wants to do what it was meant to do in this world. If you don’t take heed, sometimes God/universe will conspire to get you there. This is why you often hear about people going through mid-life crisis (but I like to think of this as mid-life awakening). People in their mid-life crisis are often getting a divorce, buying an expensive object, doing extreme things or undergoing some sort of major life event to fill this void or this “something” they can’t name. These are what I call a shakeup or a forceful wake up. Mine was my health diagnosis and losing my 9-5 comfortable job. My Ego wanted to hold on to the comfort. It is when your duality no longer works. If you resist how you were truly created, then you will encounter more resistance, emptiness, and unfulfillment in your life. The mid-life crisis symptoms are just that . . . symptoms, it won’t fix what is ailing. However, if you trust and embody your truth, you will inevitably find solace and eureka. This is why in a way it’s a blessing in disguise and why I call it, mid-life or identity awakening. It’s a forceful way for you to finally listen. When you do, oh man, it is such a great feeling. But I must warn you. Your Ego will not like that either because it wants that stability and comfort. This is where the limiting beliefs and inadequacies erupt. This will demand further effort from you. In this phase, I did more self-reflection and subconscious work to be able to fall in love with myself because I had never loved myself - not all of me at least. Now I love my perfectly imperfect self! Every part of me, the good and the bad, because as a whole it creates a unique power in this world that only I can do. I radiate a certain frequency that targets specific people that I alone can only get through. It’s kind of like a role can be filled by many but there’s that one person who just has the natural knack for it and people just feel the impact more than others. I know who I am now and what I want, and frankly don’t really care what other people think anymore. You can’t give your life more time, so give the time you have left more life. Live your authentic self. Let the last breath you have in this world be filled with gratitude and servitude, not regrets. When I got terminated, I felt freedom from the shackles. I literally felt a release. I felt peace despite not knowing what was going to happen next. It was very cathartic. If you know me, you’d know that I normally would be frantic. I hate not knowing. I plan almost everything. To this day, as I live my purpose, I have this peace in my heart that I am where I need to be. I can go forever and be lit up every time I talk about the unbecoming and homecoming. When I see people see themselves for the first time or get their aha moment, it’s the best feeling ever! And that my friend is homecoming - the moment you come alive!